Narcissistic Abuse

I am a certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician (NATC).

The Association for NPD/Psychopathy Survivor Treatment, Research & Education has worked tirelessly on the research needed to develop the first official training and certification program on treating narcissistic abuse in the United States.

You may be wondering how to know for sure what narcissistic abuse is. You may even wonder if you, yourself, are a narcissist. 

Narcissistic people do not typically look for therapy. Narcissists are rarely able to admit to making mistakes, and people who do not believe they make mistakes do not look for therapy. I have seen narcissists in therapy if they were court-mandated after a domestic violence (DV) charge, but more covertly, I have seen narcissists in therapy when they are looking for couples counseling. In this case they are typically looking for a therapist to validate that their partner is the one who is in the wrong. Sometimes narcissists will even go to individual therapy, but they typically will surf around until they find a therapist they can manipulate and who will only validate them and not challenge them on their abuse.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) typically has a consistent pattern of trying to impress others, needing to be admired by others, and lacking empathy in some ways. Some do show empathy and kindness often enough that it may be extremely difficult to see the narcissism and are often referred to as "covert narcissists." 

Then there is antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). These people show a consistent pattern of disregard for rules and laws, typically violating the basic rights of others. This disorder is sometimes easier to spot due to arrests, physical fights, or just showing higher rates of aggressiveness, but are not always physically aggressive.

And even deeper into this spectrum of dysfunction is the psychopath. Psychopathy is a condition characterized by the absence of empathy and the blunting of other emotions. Callousness, detachment, and a severe lack of empathy enable psychopaths to be highly manipulative. Nevertheless, psychopathy is among the most difficult disorders to spot. Psychopaths can appear normal, even charming. But underneath, they lack any semblance of conscience. Their antisocial nature inclines them often to criminality, but not always. They typically know right from wrong; they just lack a moral code to keep them from doing wrong.

I often refer to anyone in the "cluster-B" personality disorder group as a narcissist because of the high risk of damage these cluster-B disorders typically cause. The latest research shows that there are not only narcissism traits in all of the cluster-B personality disorders, but also that at least 60% of those who fit in this cluster-B group, fit criteria for having multiple diagnoses in this cluster-B group.

When in doubt, look for what we call dramatic and erratic behaviors that come with these disorders. This may include sudden mood swings, intense emotional outbursts, impulsive actions, excessive attention-seeking, inappropriate displays of emotion, self-harm or suicidal threats, manipulative behavior, rapidly changing relationships, reckless disregard for safety, and exaggerated reactions. Although these behaviors do not only show up in this group of disorders, the results of these abusive behaviors often have the same effects on victims, so maybe the abuser doesn"t quite fit criteria for one of these disorders, but the victim of the abuse may still suffer from symptoms of narcissistic abuse.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is in this cluster-B group, but this diagnosis is more elusive. A well-trained clinician can better decipher if this is an innate personality issue that warrants a BPD diagnosis, or if this is more about the symptoms of trauma and how they are expressed. If a client has high reactivity of mood, shows impulsivity, has unstable relationships, dissociation, depression, anxiety, and history of self-harm and/or suicidal gestures or threats, it may look just like BPD. But if they also show true accountability, insight, and motivation to change, these symptoms may just be coming from trauma, not a personality disorder. And if it is born out of trauma, we can work to heal that trauma. Then the BPD symptoms should diminish.

When someone fits criteria for one or more of these cluster-B disorders, your life with them can be quite difficult. They may bully you, pick on you, call you names... they may be physically abusive, or may stick to more emotional abuse, psychological abuse, or financial abuse. They will typically only want to be seen as the hero or the victim, but never the villain or the perpetrator of abuse. They gaslight, lie, cheat, minimize, deny, and blame. Their goal is to have you guessing your own sanity. This way, they have the power and control. 

But you can be free! You can get your life back! I can help you do it!

I will work with you using EMDR and we will work to desensitize you from those trauma triggers, minimize the FOG (see definition of FOG on the "Glossary" tab of this site) and confusion, and help you reprocess what you have experienced, setting you free from your trauma symptoms, finally allowing your body to feel safe again. 

Reach out now if you are ready to take the next step towards your freedom.